It’s our wedding anniversary today! Eight years since I walked down the aisle to marry my husband (well, obviously, he wasn’t my husband when I walked down the aisle…). Seems like a lifetime ago. It’s a cliché but it really was one of the happiest days of my life – right up there with the other cliché: the day I gave birth to my son. And it was a perfect day. Despite all the things that weren’t perfect! Yes, there are things that I would have changed in hindsight to have made it ‘just so’…but on the day itself, none of it actually mattered and we just had a bloody good time!
And what of the eight years since then? Well, we’ve had good times and bad. A lot of both. So easy though, isn’t it, to focus on the bits that aren’t perfect? The annoying habits they have. The annoying habits they bring out in you. The arguments. The fact that you just don’t make as much effort any more because you’re not trying to impress each other. The fact that being thirty-something and having jobs/kids/mortgages/housework to worry about is much harder work than being newly in love students. Hobbies and interests and dreams that seem to have been replaced by nights in in front of the TV eating takeaway.
Today, when I think back on our relationship and our marriage, I realise I spend a lot of time looking at what’s not good. Worrying. Wondering how we ‘measure up’ to other couples. Much like I spend a lot of time wondering how I measure up to other women in terms of body size/general appearance/productivity/parenting skills. And that’s a real drag. I want to be thinking about the good things about our relationship. Enjoying what we have. And looking at the not-so-great areas and looking at how we can improve them. We deserve that. Just because we’re not at the ‘beginning’ of our relationship any more, doesn’t mean we can’t still make plans and dreams and make our lives the way we want them. I’m not the 18 year old student that entered this relationship, or even the 26 year old bride on her wedding day. I’m the 34 year old woman that exists here and now and is writing this blog post and kind of has no clue where she’s going with it…
I guess I am saying that we evolve. As do our partners. Which means our relationships evolve. And that’s ok. But it’s no excuse not to make an effort any more. And I know I am guilty of that more than I would like. I’m sorry. I need to stop the snipping and sniping and stressing and let the small stuff slide a bit more. Make plans for some good stuff. Tonight’s a good start – we’re off out for an anniversary dinner at a fancy restaurant with no small child in tow! We need to do more of that; remember we’re a couple as well as a family. It’s been a good eight years of marriage on the whole and I want to look back when it’s been fifty eight years and say it’s been bloody brilliant!