Resisting a clean slate

It’s been about three months since I last blogged. It feels untidy to have a gap. Especially one where I have accomplished nothing. Every fibre of my being wants to delete all the posts and start this blog again from fresh. I am resisting that. It’s hard and my gremlin is whispering “just one more time – you’ll do it right next time” in my ear. Again.

That’s not how it works though is it? A clean slate every time something goes wrong in life or you didn’t do it quite how you wanted? I realise I have lived my life that way an awful lot. Waiting for life to start. Tomorrow. Next week. Next year. At the next milestone. A lot of milestones have come and gone and yet sometimes I still feel like I haven’t started ‘properly’. Sounds silly doesn’t it? It is silly. All this thinking that when I am the perfect weight or dress size or have x or y or z…that then…then…my life can truly start. Which is ridiculous. Even if I live to a ripe old age, I’m more than a third of the way there! Life has started. It’s in progress and has been for a long time – and a lot of great things have happened to me in that time. I’m an atheist and don’t believe in life after death (lovely as it sounds). This is it. This is my go…so what am I really waiting for?

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2 thoughts on “Resisting a clean slate

  1. I have times like that, when I want to pretend things that have happened and I’ve blogged about ‘weren’t the real me’. Like my life will start properly when I’ve done X, Y or Z. Life *has* started, this is it, and we have to grab it with both hands, accept who we are and try and get on with the bad stuff and make the most of the good. Keep on keeping on xx

    1. Thanks, Sarah! I definitely have a tendeny to be an ‘all or nothing’ person and waiting until my life is perfect is just crazy. Because it never will be! xx

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