Well, the good news is I weighed myself on Monday and had managed to lose 1lb despite having quite a few bingey days last week. I’ve also really enjoyed getting back to the gym. Once I’m out of bed and out the door – to me that is the hard part! – then I really enjoy going. My aim is to go on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays each week. Ah ha, you say…it’s Wednesday today…why are you not at the gym? Well, DH had to go in to work early today so I couldn’t go as obviously I can’t leave a toddler on his own. So, my goal for this week is to look out some of my old fitness DVDs or Wii Fit stuff or find some stuff on YouTube so I can do an ‘at home’ workout on days I can’t get to the gym in future.
The thing I am struggling with this week is envy. Comparing myself up against others and finding myself wanting. I have friends who are exercising more than me, losing more weight than me (that makes me lazy and greedy, right?) and friends that seem to be able to fit in so much more fun stuff with their kids than I do (I’m a bad parent, right?) and friends who are pregnant with, or trying for, their second baby (I’m clearly a very bad parent if DH isn’t ready to have another, right?).
I know this is something I need to work on and to explore more. Stress and sadness make me overeat more and I know envy feeds into those feelings. I need to spend time deciding what it is I envy and whether those are things I could realistically have for myself and whether I am willing to put in the work to get them. Some of the things may be things I can’t have and I have to let that go. And some of them, deep down, might be things I don’t want but feel like I should have to prove to the outside world that I’ve ‘made it’. And I need to learn to celebrate my own achievements. I’m proud of going to the gym three times in a week. Should I plan to go six times just because someone else is? Well, no, I don’t really want to go six times a week. I have other stuff I would rather be doing. My achievements are no less valid. Food for thought for sure.